Comedy videos

Bejesus

f you look through the American Heritage Dictionary you will find the following entry - Bejesus - (n) Exclamative; The bear scared the bejesus out of us. For some time people have been using the word bejesus casually in phrases like "He said you confused the bejesus out of him", "This old lady just completely slapped the bejesus out of him" and "That screaming, flaming skull in the closet totally scared the bejesus out of me!". However, new scientific discoveries demand a new and much more accurate meaning be included. Bejesus - (n) A substance found in the human body that determines how close one is to becoming Jesus. You see, scientists have discovered what ancient societies already knew, that there is a microscopic particle known as bejesus that dwells in all of us. The knowledge of this particle was lost, but the phrases used to describe its movement have remained a part of our society. Well, no more will they be used casually and without meaning, for they describe the motions of a very real substance, bejesus. Scientists have recently confirmed what many already suspected from years of clinical testing, in every human being there is a particle esposible for people becoming Jesus! This discovery opened up a wide variety of economic, political and theoretical issues which it is the purpose of this site to address. Anyone can be Jesus? Who should it be, who will it be and what does the Christian Church have to say about all this? All will be answered, but it is important to first understand some of the basic physics of bejesus. So bejesus determines how close you are to being Jesus, but how much bejesus does it take to be Jesus? Well, a hell of a lot. Bejesus is generated naturally by the human body, but very slowly. The most recent calculations tell us it would take hundreds of lifetimes for enough bejesus to be generated in a person's body for them to actually become Jesus. The only way one can ever hope to become Jesus in their lifetime is by stealing bejesus from other people. The following film documents one mans misguided quest to become jesus Away in a manger late one night in December a child was born. The name of this child, was Dave Christ. Dave discovered early in his life that he had special powers that could astound and frighten those he encountered. Dave himself was actually pretty bored with life and seeing as how he was born with some pretty amazing powers, nothing bothered him much. As such he began harvesting others' bejesus like a madman, without even really tring! Now at this time, people knew all about bejesus and its powers, so Dave decided he was going to do what no person before him had ever managed to do, he was going to become Jesus! He went on a trek confusing people with his powers, walking on water, turning water to wine, walking on wine, you name it! He set up a tour of the lands around his home, gathering all the bejesus from the people in a region, and then moving on. www.bejesusquarterly.com

Bejesus